Category Archives: Miscellaneous

Creating Positive: Day 4 of 21

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I am discovering that the things for which I am grateful multiply as I write down the obvious choices. I think it was Karen, who commented that once she starts writing down her gratitudes, she has a hard time stopping. Anyone else running into that same “challenge”? My wish is for each of you to experience that!

Since there are five things on our daily list for the 21 days, let’s have a reminder:

  1. 3 New Gratitudes
  2. One Positive Experience
  3. Exercise
  4. Meditate
  5. Random or Conscious Act of Kindness

Even though I’m only publicly sharing my gratitudes and my positive experience each day, I am happy to at least acknowledge whether or not I’ve accomplished all five items. This may help each of you to keep all five top of mind. So in the interest of full disclosure, and for accountability, my other three obligations:

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Realizing, yet again, how small the world really is
  2. Filling a customer’s need
  3. Being business partners with my brother
  4. Knowing there are professionals available to us when we need their help
  5. Rain for replenishment of the earth
  6. Hearing Aviva say, “I love you, and I miss you!” as she squeezes my neck so tightly
  7. Possibility
  8. The wagging tail that welcomed me home, complete with licks
  9. Discovering similarities and interests with a new friend

Positive Experience

During our training session this morning, there was a reference made to a study by Accountemps, wherein it was discovered that executives spend – on average – 108 minutes sending emails each day. In contrast, a different report by the Productivity Institute suggests that the average working person spends less than 30 seconds a day in meaningful conversation with their children. I couldn’t find either of those studies online (I didn’t look very hard), but I did find a reference to a report by the Department of Education that says the average American mother spends less than 30 minutes a day talking to her children! And the average American father? Only 15 minutes.

Tonight my daughter and I watched, mesmerized, as the fog quickly approached and became heavier, sinking lower and lower to the ground. We could no longer see farther than a few feet in front of us, and the denseness of the space – once open – now trapped us, forbidding escape. Our single beam of light, bouncing back at us against the wall of clouds, proved worthless, as we had to rely solely on our other senses for direction. Razor, trusted pit-bull and fearless leader, vanished without a sound or a trace, swallowed up in the haze. Before we realized what had happened, we were thick in the midst of – you probably already guessed it – a zombie apocalypse!

The vast field was literally choking and crawling with the undead. How would we ever reach the other side undetected, untouched, and alive? Suddenly, as if the clouds themselves had birthed him, Razor – the Thunderous Destroyer – emerged in a burst of otherworldly energy! While the living dead shrank from his commanding presence, we made our daring escape to the safety of our own home sweet home, where we finished our conversation with a big hug, lots of giggles, and a sweet kiss goodnight.

Creating Positive: Day 3 of 21

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I’m grateful for all the continued chatter in various online venues to raise awareness of the Dopamine Challenge. I am also grateful for everyone reading and participating. Many of you aren’t sharing here with me, but be sure and keep a written record of your positive experiences and your new gratitudes each day. I welcome your participation anytime you want to share. And for those of you just now discovering our quest – start today! There was nothing magical about starting on February 13, except I had time over the weekend to gather my thoughts in preparation!

 

Gratitudes

  1. Cheryl shared with me another great TED Talk by Drew Dudley
  2. Sally illuminated for me a new definition of meditation
  3. Access to the cultural arts
  4. Having the capacity to perform acts of kindness
  5. Time and freedom to pursue personal interests
  6. Hearing from a sweet friend
  7. The value of talking with my daughter

Positive Experience

My positive experience took less than five minutes to transpire, but the result of a brief conversation on Twitter has filled my heart all day long. Yesterday I mentioned that for the purpose of this exercise, meditation is the most challenging for me. Today, my friend Sally reminded me “how often we trick ourselves into thinking we’re not doing something right just because others do it different.” Sally helped me see that meditation can be “presence in moment,” which she explained can be as simple as “Pausing, seeing, feeling, being at one with, carrying that with you and yes, gratitude – it’s definitely a method!”

Has anyone else experienced these beautiful moments of meditation? I am grateful to Sally for illuminating for me the possibilities of presence and meditation.

Creating Positive: Day 1 of 21

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For those of you just joining us, you may want to start with The Dopamine Challenge.

My Original Happy List

I am not only committed to the 21-day challenge, BUT I am going to share my daily gratitudes and my daily journal here with you! In preparing for this journey, I remembered that many years ago, while living in Russia as a full-time missionary for our church, I was having a hard time. Life wasn’t easy, and to reverse my own downward emotional trend, I started keeping a daily “Happy List.” I continued to add to that list long after I returned from Russia, and it is still one of my most prized possessions in the world – meaning it’s in my top five “grab it if the house is on fire” items.

I bought a new notebook today so I can keep a daily written record of gratitude, or in my case – my Happy List. Once I started making my list, I found it difficult (not like I was trying) to keep myself to just three.You may discover you have similar things that make you happy, or you may have very different kinds of items on your list. I don’t think it matters. This is about what elicits gratitude within you.

  1. Being called a “Renaissance Woman” by my friend AJ.
  2. Getting LOTS of hits to my Dopamine Challenge article!
  3. Finding my missing Happy List from Russia
  4. Impromptu Xanadu singalong with Rachel
  5. Productive networking lunch with Tommy
  6. Playing Muppet Monopoly while singing with the newest Muppet soundtrack
  7. Valentine surprises one day early
  8. Great early morning run
  9. Successful practice with Heather via Skype
  10. Having my whole day turn to positive with just one phone call and a gentle reminder

My younger sister, Rachel, came over this evening, bringing happiness with her. We enjoyed supper, visiting, an impromptu Glee-worthy vocal performance of Suspended in Time (from Xanadu – which should also be on my Happy List), and finished the evening with muffins hot from the oven and a game of Muppet Monopoly. While we were playing the game, we all sang (loudly) the entire soundtrack from the newest Muppet movie: The Muppets.

What were your three new gratitudes from Day One, and what was your positive experience?

 

Community Theatre

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I wrote the following post as a guest contributor on linkingtriad.com:

Community can mean lots of different things to lots of different people, especially depending on when – and whom – you ask. This is a subject about which I’ve written before. Many of us create and/or join different “communities” to fill different needs in our lives, and as a result find ourselves gravitating in and out of a wide variety of circles. There are likely individuals who share multiple of our communities with us, but not necessarily.

Thinking along these lines lends a whole new meaning to community theatre. As an active member of this particular recreational company – I love the fact that individuals from multiple walks of life share a common love and passion and together create something to be enjoyed by members of a larger social group.

So whether you’re an actor, who loves the prospect of creating an entirely different and believable person on stage, or a director, who lives to bring all those moving parts and pieces together, or an audience member, who appreciates the temporary world that’s being shared with you, community theatre is a cog in the wheel of your social community. Participation by all members is what allows it to function.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a production that requires an intense commitment on the part of the entire community. And as one of the actors in this upcoming production by the Community Theatre of Greensboro (CTG), I can assure you, your participation as an audience member is not only greatly appreciated, but important to those of us on stage as we rely on your immediate feedback throughout the show to remind us of our own (albeit temporary) reality in these roles.

Please join our community, at least for one night, at the Broach Theatre in downtown Greensboro. Opening night coincides with First Friday, on October 7, so come early to enjoy a downtown dinner before the curtain rises at 8. The show will have a run of seven performances, total, which gives you plenty of opportunities to come more than once! Show dates and times are October 7, 8, 13, 14, 15 at 8:00pm, and October 9 and 16 at 2:00pm.

I look forward to sharing a community experience together with you at the Broach. Look for me on stage: I’ll be Candy Starr: the one wearing the cowboy boots.

Squash Convert

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Many people I know (and that’s a lot), when they hear the word squash said out loud, visibly squirm, and their faces contort in ways that remind me of the most unpleasant smells bombarding the senses all at once.  Should any squash variety come near their lips it is never with happy digestive thoughts in mind. These poor folks must have visions of mutant zucchini and yellow squash charging them while they sleep, attacking their taste buds to the brink of near extinction.

As a former ten-year-old, I have personal experience in these real made-up life horrors. I, for one, felt strongly that our family garden, which we were required to help plant, weed, cultivate, and harvest (child labor laws were strictly enforced in our home: work or you’re in trouble when dad gets home), contained too many vegetables I found inedible. In fact, I was convinced that my father planted an unreasonable amount of squash each year. Furthermore, when my mother prepared that squash by slicing it and frying it with onions every single night, I was left with no choice, but to push it to the farthest corner of my round dinner plate.

Being equal opportunity feeders, my parents allowed every child an unlimited amount of time to sit at the table after everyone else had completed their meals to finish the parts untouched. Namely: our vegetables. Specifically: the vegetables we grew ourselves. Ever wonder what it would have been like to live with the Little Red Hen? Let me know and I will personally introduce you to my parents.

But seasons come and go, and ten-year-olds grow into young adults, who become parents, themselves, and suddenly growing your own food no longer feels like a punishment, but rather a reward. And just last week I think my dad was shocked when I asked him if he had any squash to spare. My disappointment was learning he didn’t.

 

 

Blue Light Special

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Don’t you hate it when you’re out driving and you’re waiting at the light and then just before the light turns green your car dies? Oh, and you’re the first person in line? Yeah, that was me on Saturday. After two lights’ worth of unsuccessful attempts to restart my car, I hopped out and told the two gentlemen in the car behind me (probably the first ones to start honking their horn) that I was terribly sorry, but my car wouldn’t start. The one in the passenger seat immediately got out and offered to push me through the intersection.

We successfully got my car to the side of the road, and out of the flow of traffic, so I could figure out what next steps to pursue. After assuring my pusher that I had a cell phone and AAA, they left me to fend for myself. Before calling AAA, though, I decided to try starting the car one more time – after turning off the radio and the air conditioner – and it started! Sweet!

I circled around so that I was now heading back into the very intersection in which I had died 20 minutes earlier, and again found myself at the front of the turning lane just as the light turned red, and yes, the car died again. Right there at the front of the long line of unsuspecting vehicles, whose drivers were about to be really frustrated.

Gathering all my belongings, windows down, hazards flashing with the car in park, I went ahead and exited my vehicle after I placed my S.O.S. (did you know the etymology of which means “Save Our Souls?) call to AAA. The tow-truck would be along in about 45 minutes, and there was one visible shady spot not too far from my turning lane. Besides the fact that I was convinced everyone in Greensboro hated me, I was amused at lots of the approaching drivers. Most of them paid no attention to what was happening outside their front windshield. Driver after driver pulled up directly behind my parked, hazards flashing, abandoned car and actually honked. I laughed every time.

Officer Scott & me

The flashing blue lights arrived about three minutes before the AAA tow-truck. I was mortified that someone had called the cops because of me! When the tow-truck driver suggested we try and start the car one more time to get it all the way through the intersection, I gave him the keys. Scott told me I could ride with him, but I’d have to get in the back. I guess I didn’t effectively conceal my horror at the thought of what might be lurking in the back seat because he quickly assured me it was a brand new car and I was the very first to take a ride. Besides, I could tell everyone I got the “Blue Light Special” treatment. We followed my car through the intersection, at which point the tow-truck driver immediately informed me, “Sweetheart, you’re out of gas.”

My AAA membership pays for itself every single year, and at least now I know exactly what it feels like when my car can no longer run on empty!

 

Harassment

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My Work Environment

I’m self-employed. My workspace is occupied by just me; I don’t have to sit through mandatory HR training on anything, not the least of which is what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace. So when I recently found myself in a rather awkward predicament all the signals pointed toward what happens to other people, but not to me.

We use the community room of a local business to conduct one of our leadership training sessions, and since our training occurs consistently on the same date and time each month, we are on a first-name basis with the staff.

Each month I make the trek from our meeting room to the staff kitchen to retrieve ice and water for use on our refreshment table, and each month the same male staff member happens to be in the kitchen, too. He always strikes up a conversation with me. I always give the shortest, but most polite, responses, and get back to our meeting room as soon as possible.

Creepy. . .

Recently, when he made casual comments about my looks, my smile, my personality, and my eligibility for marriage, I felt extremely awkward in my attempts to reply, and was more anxious than usual to excuse myself. Sensing my embarrasment, he actually tried to make me feel better by doubling his efforts, thereby creating a bigger strain in our already one-sided conversation. Later that afternoon I found myself alone with him once more, and he asked me about my dating status. This simply felt wrong and I was uncomfortable.

Via text I shared with a friend what had happened, and my friend told me plainly: That is harassment.

Once our training session concluded I shared the situation with my business partner, who also happens to be my brother, and he agreed: That is harassment.

What to do about it?

My brother and I agreed a face-to-face conversation would be the most appropriate course of action since I firmly believe the staff member had no idea he was harassing me, and that his actions, while offensive to me, were never intended to make me feel uncomfortable.

Wikipedia gives the following definition of one kind of harasser:

The harasser may be completely unaware that his or her behavior is offensive or constitutes sexual harassment or may be completely unaware that his or her actions could be unlawful.

Unintentional – Acts or comments of a sexual nature, not intended to harass, can constitute sexual harassment if another person feels uncomfortable with such subjects.

Feeling warranted to speak to him, with my brother by my side, I did just that. There was an appropriate opportunity in a public space and I thanked him for his help with our meeting space each month, and how much we appreciate the use of their facility, but the manner in which he has been speaking to me makes me feel uncomfortable and is inappropriate, and will he please stop.

He immediately apologized, asked my forgiveness, and assured me he meant no harm, and he appreciated me telling him.

Lessons Learned

It is my hope that no further action will need to be taken. But I learned a valuable lesson: there is a potential risk for each of us, regardless of our work environment, to harassment. I also believe it is important that we speak out and speak up when something just doesn’t feel right. You are your greatest advocate; use your voice.

Life is Too Short

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“Life is too short,” my friend Mariam reminded me as we took advantage of a hot day and a cool pool. I needed to look only as far as the all too recent passing of another friend to reflect on that thought.

1. “Go long!” is what we always advised our backyard baseball teammates as we stepped up to bat. Even when the ball didn’t make it past the pitcher’s mound, our belief that it would brought us back to bat over and over again. My life is too short not to aim to knock everything I do out of the park. I need to shout, “Go long!” a lot more frequently.

2. Let go. Tendrils don’t just climb; they wrap themselves around the nearest body and grow in support of the plant. I imagine tendrils exist in everyone’s life, but my life is too short to give negative ones any space to grow. I need to cut away any tendrils connecting me to previous experiences that no longer support my personal growth, and free up myself to blossom in ways that I haven’t yet.

3. Laugh out loud. I inherited loud laughter from my dad’s side of the family, but a college boyfriend suggested I should be more quiet more often. As an adult I dated a man who happily observed that I “laugh with reckless abandon.” My life is too short to not only laugh loudly, but to also laugh genuinely, while I surround myself with others who appreciate when I do.

4. Dance? Yes, please. I once read that the question is never “Will you dance?” but always simply “Where?” I recently reconnected with an old friend, and the first thing he wanted to know is whether or not I’m still dancing. I heard him smile when I emphatically replied in the affirmative. My life is definitely too short not to dance every opportunity I get.

5. Believe in magical beginnings. When my daughter turned five, I took her to Disney World. Twenty minutes into the park, surrounded by larger than life characters and pyrotechnics illuminating the area, she turned to me and said, “See, Mommy! I told you it was real!” My life is too short to forget that magical beginnings are real. I need to expect and make space in my life for the fireworks.

This short list is definitely not comprehensive, nor is it complete, but it’s a start. What would you add?

Thank You, Alan

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Easter Lilies - Williamsburg, Virginia (April 2009)

There are no coincidences in life. Of that I am absolutely certain. And so it was no coincidence that after moving to Salt Lake City in 2008, the first two people I met were Alan and Anna. As a brand new mother (L was only two months old at the time) married to a medical student, and no immediate family immediately present, Alan and Anna stepped in to fill a gap I didn’t know existed in my life.

Alan was gregarious and full of life with a believable “our door is always open” policy firmly in place. Front porches and backyard basketball hoops are there for a reason. Generous to a fault, Alan would give you the shirt off his back, or the hot pizza out of the box. Alan showed courage as he went back to school to earn a degree to teach: something he truly loved and an opportunity to make a difference. Courageous again, Alan battled cancer and won. A hard-working family man, disciple of Christ, and always good for a laugh, Alan was ever doing for those he loved. Our personal trick-or-treating route included only three houses, and his was always our first stop, where we were sure to get the peanut-free candy he had waiting especially for L.

Much of my friendship with Alan and Anna was communicated in ways that didn’t require words, especially since I wasn’t using words at that time in my life to discuss my “real” life – the things happening that no one else sees. But they knew. They understood. And they loved me in spite of my silence, or perhaps because of it.

When I left Salt Lake City and my silent life behind me, it was to Alan and Anna’s house I went last to say goodbye. Again, few words were shared, but words can seem so empty when all I needed was communicated with a hug of acceptance, encouragement, and unconditional love.

Alan passed away yesterday, but I am so grateful he showed me without words what love looks like.