Category Archives: Business

Creating Positive: Day 9 of 21

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Go ahead and acknowledge you have stress in your life. Embrace that fact. Stress exists for all of us, and comes from a variety of sources – some of which we control, and others over which we have absolutely no control at all. I’m no sociologist, but it seems to me that stress is the main barrier preventing our personal happiness. If that’s true, then would you agree that breaking through that barrier could lead to significant improvement in your emotional health and well being? Would you also agree that when you are stressed, it is difficult (if not impossible) to recognize the positive? It’s as if one displaces the other, and you only have space enough for one of them. Stress and positivity cannot coexist. At least, that’s what I’ve been pondering today. Granted, there are different kinds of stress in our lives, but if we focus on emotional stress – that is something we can control 100%!

How do you manage stress? We collected a small sample of ideas this morning during our training session, and the flip chart pictured captures many of those ideas. There are ways to shift away from stress while you’re at work, and ideas to implement while you’re at home. This list is far from comprehensive. What would you add? What do YOU do to relieve stressful situations in your own life?

 

 

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Hearing about significant ROI for a client – after only ONE month!
  2. Watching my daughter mature and grow into a beautiful young woman
  3. Reconnecting conversation with Laura C
  4. Safe and uneventful business trip
  5. Youth leaders who love my daughter
  6. New random dishes to capture better photographs of my food
  7. Warm fuzzy socks
  8. Email from Nancy about her start to the Dopamine Challenge
  9. Laughing when I realized I was wearing 4″ heels while doing dishes, knowing there’s no social expectation (because I am so not Donna Reed)

Positive Experience

Accepting the fact that it takes a variety of communities, our modern-day villages, to create great people (I wrote about that here), I witnessed my daughter in one of her most significant community circles tonight.

She was a key participant in a church youth program this evening, and as parents we were able to attend. My daughter was given an assignment in advance, and on her own prepared a talk, which she delivered with better oral skills than many adults I know. She performed a duet with one of her friends, and her voice sang out with such sweetness, purity and clarity, I was proud of her confidence and ability to share her many gifts and talents with others. Immediately following the program’s conclusion, she hurried to introduce me to one of her favorite youth leaders, about whom she’s been telling me since July of last year.

If community is about creating quality individuals, I am certainly grateful tonight for the community of strong women my daughter is building around herself.

Leadership vs. Management

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"I'm packing your extra pair of shoes, and your angry eyes - just in case!" (Mrs. Potato Head)

I originally published the following post on Linking Triad dot com.

A recent trip took us to a restaurant, where I was reminded that there will always be a difference between managers and leaders. As developers of leaders, we frequently facilitate the conversation about those very differences, and often one of the distinctions noted places managers in a category reserved for those who carry out someone else’s vision, while leaders are in the business of developing people.

We were the unfortunate witnesses to a public (out in the open area of the restaurant, in front of other patrons and bar staff) berating of our waitress by the general manager of the restaurant. Our waitress, overcome with tears, continued to provide us with exceptional customer service, but our two conversations (both of our own initiation) with the general manager proved less than satisfying.

I concede that I don’t know ALL the facts surrounding the disaster, that ended with our waitress quitting, and our abrupt departure from the restaurant, not having eaten because we no longer felt welcome or hungry. However, I do think there are some common lessons we can glean from the experience.

Regardless of the circumstances, and whether or not some grave error had been committed by the waitress (she seated us after the kitchen no longer wanted to prepare food), here’s what I think the general manager lost for the restaurant in one night:

  1. The obvious and immediate loss to the restaurant was our business. They lost immediate revenue for the food that was prepared, but we chose not to eat. The general manager assumed the cost in our departing conversation.
  2. Naturally, we will not be returning, so there is no future revenue, either.
  3. Also lost was our respect for the general manager, and subsequently, the restaurant group that employs him. We were appalled at the outburst, and felt that no behavior could possibly warrant such a reproach.
  4. We immediately wrote a negative review on one prominent social media site, and then tweeted about it, too. Remember that one unhappy customer who speaks out publicly is just the tip of your proverbial iceberg when it comes to your real issues. When was the last time you questioned your customers about their satisfaction levels?
  5. Our waitress was doing her job, and doing it very well by our account. The restaurant lost an employee that not only did her job, but she put the needs of her customers at the top of her priorities. Shouldn’t that be the ultimate desire of any company in the business of customer service?

When we choose to react, rather than to act, we choose to behave at the mercy of our emotions. As leaders, we are completely dependent on those whom we employ for our successes. Developing people is a skill that requires keeping your emotions in check and allowing direct reports to make errors. How else can we possibly help them grow and improve if we intercept their ability to choose? In so doing, we will slowly cut off all of our relationships, and there won’t be any customers left to serve.

While I’d like to believe this was an isolated incident with a power-hungry manager, I know it’s not true. We have each seen this scenario played out in numerous offices, retail establishments, and restaurants. When have you seen poor management in action? Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end?

Harassment

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My Work Environment

I’m self-employed. My workspace is occupied by just me; I don’t have to sit through mandatory HR training on anything, not the least of which is what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace. So when I recently found myself in a rather awkward predicament all the signals pointed toward what happens to other people, but not to me.

We use the community room of a local business to conduct one of our leadership training sessions, and since our training occurs consistently on the same date and time each month, we are on a first-name basis with the staff.

Each month I make the trek from our meeting room to the staff kitchen to retrieve ice and water for use on our refreshment table, and each month the same male staff member happens to be in the kitchen, too. He always strikes up a conversation with me. I always give the shortest, but most polite, responses, and get back to our meeting room as soon as possible.

Creepy. . .

Recently, when he made casual comments about my looks, my smile, my personality, and my eligibility for marriage, I felt extremely awkward in my attempts to reply, and was more anxious than usual to excuse myself. Sensing my embarrasment, he actually tried to make me feel better by doubling his efforts, thereby creating a bigger strain in our already one-sided conversation. Later that afternoon I found myself alone with him once more, and he asked me about my dating status. This simply felt wrong and I was uncomfortable.

Via text I shared with a friend what had happened, and my friend told me plainly: That is harassment.

Once our training session concluded I shared the situation with my business partner, who also happens to be my brother, and he agreed: That is harassment.

What to do about it?

My brother and I agreed a face-to-face conversation would be the most appropriate course of action since I firmly believe the staff member had no idea he was harassing me, and that his actions, while offensive to me, were never intended to make me feel uncomfortable.

Wikipedia gives the following definition of one kind of harasser:

The harasser may be completely unaware that his or her behavior is offensive or constitutes sexual harassment or may be completely unaware that his or her actions could be unlawful.

Unintentional – Acts or comments of a sexual nature, not intended to harass, can constitute sexual harassment if another person feels uncomfortable with such subjects.

Feeling warranted to speak to him, with my brother by my side, I did just that. There was an appropriate opportunity in a public space and I thanked him for his help with our meeting space each month, and how much we appreciate the use of their facility, but the manner in which he has been speaking to me makes me feel uncomfortable and is inappropriate, and will he please stop.

He immediately apologized, asked my forgiveness, and assured me he meant no harm, and he appreciated me telling him.

Lessons Learned

It is my hope that no further action will need to be taken. But I learned a valuable lesson: there is a potential risk for each of us, regardless of our work environment, to harassment. I also believe it is important that we speak out and speak up when something just doesn’t feel right. You are your greatest advocate; use your voice.

Professionals

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We’re all professionals here, right? Wrong.

It all depends on your definition of professional. Let me set the stage:

I like to maximize my time, especially when I have to drive a considerable distance to meet with potential clients. When I schedule an appointment I always follow the same protocol:

  1. Ask if there are special instructions needed to find their office.
  2. Ask for the best phone number to use in the event I need to reach him/her the day of our appointment.
  3. Provide my cell number in case they need to contact me.
  4. Verify the date and time before ending our conversation.
  5. Send a hand-written note expressing thanks for the opportunity to meet in person and write out the day, date and time of our pending appointment.

I do this every single time. No exceptions.

Tuesday morning I drove 90 minutes to conduct two appointments, which I’d conveniently scheduled back-to-back at 9:30 and 11:00. I arrived to the 9:30 appointment five minutes early, but since there was no one in the reception area, I had to search their building to find someone to assist me. Upon seeing two female employees chatting in an office, I politely asked for their company president, with whom I had the appointment. One (rather dourly) said, “Well he’s not here.” I politely countered, “I am five minutes early. Should I wait back at the front desk?” With an exasperated sigh, I was told to just wait where I was.

Over the next forty minutes, frustration mounting, I observed three employees with little to no interest in what happened outside of their individual office doors; I was informed the company president “is always late,” as if that justifies and/or excuses his bad behavior; I was told there was no way to phone him (baloney), but he had been pinged; and I was simply ignored. Just as I determined to leave the building, the third employee offered to call the president and the phone was handed to me. Here’s where my story gets really interesting.

Rather than apologize and take responsibility for his absence, the president of the company’s opening comments to me were simply, “Are you that woman. . . ? I got caught in another meeting, but I can be there in twenty-five minutes.” For what should be very obvious reasons, this did not end well. I reminded him how far I had driven to meet with him, and still received no apology. He suggested I wait for his arrival. I told him that was inconvenient for me, and I had other meetings scheduled for the remainder of the day. He told me to send him an email and reschedule, and that ended our conversation.

I have no intention of driving three more hours (total) to meet someone who shows such an obvious disregard for my time, and who displays blatant disrespect for me as a professional. At the very least, a courtesy call to let me know he was late would have been the professional and polite thing to do. However, I do not believe for a moment he was “caught in another meeting.”

Why do I bother going through all those motions when I schedule an appointment?

  1. I am setting the stage for the business relationship I hope to form.
  2. My actions speak loudly, and I want my potential client to “hear” me say I am a qualified and credible professional, who respects and values the time they agreed to share with me.
  3. This is a way to softly verify our calendars are talking to each other, especially with the “reminder” note that follows our phone conversation.

When we model bad behavior for our employees, our vendors, and our clients, we breed working environments full of professionals behaving badly. I cannot blame the three employees with whom I interacted during my forty-minute nightmare on Tuesday morning. They are simply behaving in the same disrespectful and casual manner they see daily from the man at the helm, whose actions speak far louder than his words.